Thursday, May 15

Not Done With 21

Tomorrow I turn 22. No, this is not some secret plot to get people to send me birthday greetings. I'd actually rather you didn't. You see, I'm not done with being 21 yet. I feel like 21 should be a charmed year for everyone and yet, I feel like I spent the entire year in a haze of uncertainty. I was constantly second-guessing myself, never sure if I was taking the right step. And that took the fun right out of being 21. And today, it suddenly hit me that its my last day of being 21. The last day that I can say, "I'm 21." It's not as if I can rush out and accomplish everything I want to do as a twenty-one year old before midnight. I dunno, maybe I'm being ridiculous. It's not as if I'll be undergoing a sudden transformation the moment I turn 22. But somehow, I feel that there's a major difference between 21 and 22. Twenty-one year olds are allowed to mess up at times, act crazy, say silly things, party hard, make the wrong decisions - and get away with it, with people saying, "Well, she's only 21," while shrugging their shoulders and nodding knowingly (not at the same time, though). For some reason, those things aren't acceptable anymore when you're TWENTY-TWO. At twenty-two, you're supposed to be mature and wise and all pulled-together. Think, crisp white blouse, pencil skirt, black pumps, perfectly-coiffed hair. If you're a girl, you'll get it. If you're a guy, well, you probably don't get this whole post anyway. (kidding...:P) The thing is, I don't know exactly how to get there. I'm definitely NOT gonna do it in a day. That's the thing about time. It never slows down or stops so that you can catch up. So I'm constantly rushing to keep up with it and when I stop and think, I realize that I've missed out on a lot during all the rushing and running, and of course, while I'm taking my thinking break, I'm left even further behind and now have to run even faster. Exhausting. But, exhilirating as well. I guess the best we can do is just keep running, keep growing, keep changing, keep doing all the things we want to do. Isn't that what life is really about, anyway? So, that said, I won't fight aganst being 22 anymore. I still don't know what the next year will bring for me, or who the twenty-year old me will be, but so what? I can't stop my birthday from happening so I might as well dive headfirst into being twenty-two and hope everything else falls into place. :)

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