intoxicated sobriety

just some thoughts

It had to happen sometime. Luck runs out and failure catches up. Literal failure. It kinda looks like this: 5. For those unfortunate people who don't get what I'm saying, basically I'm failing a class. It's not that big a deal, obviously. It's just a class, about 45 hours out of my entire life. Just a blip on the radar. It's not really the failing that bothers me. It's the circumstance. I'm going to fail a class for simply submitting late. For taking more time, trying to make something of the best possible quality. I just don't get it. But that's the way it is. Life's not fair and all that reality bullshit. Yeah I get it. But failure still sucks. Especially on the first time.

Moving on... To make myself feel better I've been downloading my favorite songs from highschool and even elementary. It's amazing how songs that I must have heard upwards of fifty times still manage to give me the goosebumps and a lump in the throat. I guess it's because all these songs are all linked to some of the best and worst times of my life. These days, my life has pretty flattened out. Highschool was all about uncertainty and discovery, that heady feeling of coming into your own and rebelling against childhood. It was like a lesson on life crammed into four years. I must admit I've grown up quite a bit since those days and I welcome the change. But I miss the recklessness. I miss not knowing what was going to happen next. I miss the constant exhilaration. It's not that I wish I could go back. More like, I wish I still had all of that right now. But is it even possible? Does all that have a place in the "real world"? Probably not. I feel like I'm being made to give up so much of what used to be important to me. So much of my highschool self. I don't really get it, but I have this feeling that it's what I'm supposed to do. Anyway, I'm rambling. Bottom line is, growing up isn't all it's cracked up to be.

posted by Chrissy @ 11:07 AM