Wednesday, June 28

sometimes it sucks to be antisocial

Don’t get me wrong. There are a lot of advantages. People tend to exploit you a lot less when you keep them at an arm’s length. And of course, having a good snarl in handy is quite useful sometimes. But then again, if you keep at the antisocial bit for some time, you get to a point where you could sit in a corner for hours on end and no one will talk to you. And there are days when that just sucks.

Like today. There was just nobody there. I had all sorts of words bubbling up inside me and there was nobody there. So I just choked them down. They didn't go down that easily. I don’t know how this happened. How did it get to the point where you have to make an appointment a week before for a simple conversation? It shouldn’t be this hard.

I guess I could have struck up some mindless conversation with my officemates, or the person next to me on the train, or the tricycle driver who brought me home. But that’s not me. I prefer talking to people who know me. But I have no goddamned idea where they all went.

But I guess you just have to face up to it. When you really come down to it, nobody gives a damn. I could tell them about my woes until I’m blue in the face, I could text them until my fingers are worn to the bone, its no use. Maybe I’m just a trivial person. I bore people. I have nothing interesting to say. But I can’t really fix that. So I guess the trick is to play it the way they play it. By not caring. And I’m right back at where I started.